3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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