but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
