what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
