I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize