How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
