I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
