so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
