This is not my ceiling
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
