Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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