Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think people are normalizing furries
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
