we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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