there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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