Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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