i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
