The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
