I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize