And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Mom said you looked used
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
