My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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