Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I smell like Dick and happiness
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
