The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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