i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
