She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
bring money and cleavage
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
