I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
