You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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