She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
