he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
