Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
