my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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