I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sext me about skeletons
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
