Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
