Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
