Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
