bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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