why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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