So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
