nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
