when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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