you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
