I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
