Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize