Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
