Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
