you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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