WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
