So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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