i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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