Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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