Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
