can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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