we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize