video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
