Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize