Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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