Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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