I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize