so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
