Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My vagina is officially offended.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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