Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
