a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
