it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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