I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
