Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
