I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
