I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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