You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
