I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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