Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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