4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
