Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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