I'm eating all of the evidence.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
