I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
