How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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