I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
