I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
