I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
