Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
