I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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