need another drink. this is the easiest way
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
