Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize