ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
