i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
