I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Drake has all the answers
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
